Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Raat yun dil mein teri

Faiz Ahmed Faiz


Raat yun dil mein teri, khoyi hui yaad aayi
Jaise viraane mein chupke se bahaar aa jaye
Jaise sahraon mein haule se chale baad-ae-naseem
Jaise bimaar ko be-wajaah quraar aa jaaye

Here is a translation by Vikram Seth (courtesy Aditya Johri)

Last night your faded memory came to me
As in the wilderness spring comes quietly,
As, slowly, in the desert, moves the breeze,
As, to a sick man, without cause, comes peace.

(da black mamba reads the poem)


Blogger Falstaff said...

nice. But I don't approve of the Seth translation - the first line is terrible (Shahid, if memory serves, renders it 'Last night my lost memory of you returned') and Seth converts what is a slow and moving lyric into something twee and fragmented. I especially hate the fact that he mauls the rhyme scheme of the original - I wouldn't mind blank verse, but this aabb rhyme pattern is just totally dissonant with the abcb of the original.

1/16/2006 05:42:00 PM  
Blogger The Black Mamba said...

Agreed. Seth's translation has its issues.

There was a reason I chose this over Shahid's version. I simply cannot bring myself to like the second line.

"and I was like the empty field where springtime,
without being noticed, is bringing flowers;"

Somewhat contrived, don't you think?

Except for that one line, I did like Agha Shahid Ali's version better. And here it is,

"At night my lost memory of you returned

and I was like the empty field where springtime,
without being noticed, is bringing flowers;

I was like the desert over which
the breeze moves gently, with great care;

I was like the dying patient
who, for no reason, smiles."

1/17/2006 11:01:00 AM  
Blogger Falstaff said...

BM, hmmm..see what you mean, though I still think the Shahid version is much better. IF only he hadn't stretched the second part of that first line so much - I mean what's with all the brings flowers stuff - all he really needs is:

and I was like the empty field
Where spring arrives unnoticed.

1/17/2006 04:14:00 PM  
Blogger Primalsoup said...

Searching for the said verse got me here. Even if I sound gushing like, that is a pretty neat Blog. I had no clue that there was such a thing as audio Blogging.
I have myself been partial to the Seth translation of it (if one must translate at all!). Though hearing Nayyara Noor really shoul do just as well!

3/16/2006 06:44:00 PM  
Anonymous svety said...

this one was used in the pakistani serial dhoop a song version...does anyone have that?

11/28/2006 03:48:00 AM  

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